Meanwhile

I was in the mid of reading Thirteen Reasons Why, whose story revolves around a seventeen-year-old girl named Hannah Baker, who commits suicide because of betrayal and bullies when coincidentally, a news link popped up on my mobile screen claiming the death of a known actor whom I personally adored: Sushant Singh Rajput. I was shocked initially but thought a moment later that this could be a false news as the media was getting a bit 'infodemic' lately and in the past, there had been alleged death rumors of various renowned figures which eventually came out to be untrue. I so very wished the news link to be a clickbait and nervously opened the link, only to discover that the actor had indeed committed a suicide.

I had known Sushant as an actor since my early age, from the time when he used to play as Manav Deshmukh alongside Ankita Lokhande who carried out the role of Archana on a popular TV serial Pavitra Rishta that used to stream on Zee TV. After spending a considerable time doing the TV show, he went on to play for Bollywood, having the film Kai Po Che as the break through to notable films like Chhichhore, including my favourite of his films MS Dhoni: The Untold Story. Sushant was rich, successful, popular and loved by many. Isn't that more than what many of us get from life? The apparent reason of his committing suicide was no different than that of the ones who decided to call their life an end. Depression! Bizarre to many who are strangers to any of mental illnesses, ain't it? John Green in his book Fault in our Stars quotes, "We all want to be remembered. I want to leave a mark too. But the marks human leave are too often scars." Yes. Scars- in the lives of people who loved you. In the end, you too Sushant, left a scar to the world which you could have easily avoided. Could have. Why couldn't you? Why couldn't many like you? Why couldn't Hannah Baker? Why couldn't Marilyn Monroe? Why couldn't Chester Bennington? And maybe, that's where the loophole lies in the attempts of people trying to recover- that you know what you must do but for some reason, you can't. And Sushant, after you finally bade this wish-ungranting-factory a goodbye, people mourn over your loss, but in a way that didn't matter to you, not at least when you decided to quit- that how could you do so despite playing Chhichhore whose entire theme was getting people to know that you always have a way, that the sequel of MS Dhoni would never be the same without you, that you were a talent gone too soon. But do we even stop and think that the moment you thought of ending your life, NOTHING of these mattered to you? Do we? Do I? The fame, the popularity, the stardom, all the money you made and the roles you played that inspired a hell lot of people out in the world, what were all of these worth to you at the very moment? NOTHING! And maybe that is what depression feels like, every inch of what JK Rowling described Harry Potter felt when the dementors drew nearby.  And Sushant, you too must have fought all those dementors like Harry had. But regardless of all your efforts to try and think about all your happy moments, the dementor-like DEPRESSION did suck your life out of you.

I can't feel even an inch of what you felt then Sushant. Maybe, I will one day. I don't ever hope to anyways. Because apparently, what I've heard from people who suffered like you is that Depression sucks! And I don't crave for that feeling. But I can empathize, with you and a lot more like you who gave their lives to depression or are living with it, perhaps wondering when to stop living. To me, you won't be remembered as the Sushant who quitted, but as the Sushant who inspired me playing the role of MS Dhoni. You have no little idea what that film meant to me, to many like me. Woah! That's the entire thing, isn't it? That you never know how much impact you have on others’ life unless you reach out to them or  they reach out to you. And there we have to understand our role- reaching out to people when they can't but need like nothing else. Listening to people without casting any judgement. Making them feel that they really matter to us. Can't we do it that simple? I don't know who needs to see this but dear person,  if you too are suffering, I pray that you get someone to listen to and most importantly, may you summon the courage to open up.  And to the ones reading this, I request us all to be the ones who they need. May we all get the bliss to be one flimsy reason for people to cling on to their dear lives when they find their entire world falling apart! May we be that one silver lining they seek in their black clouds, full enough to burst into rain!

Picture Courtesy: https://paintingvalley.com/mental-illness-painting